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Feed me a Fallacy you know I'll believe...

..I'll find comfort in the pretend you provide

12/31/10 03:28 pm - What do you do when -

A girl comes into your life, that treats you the way you treat girls, and you don't know how to handle it?
When she's sweet, and thoughtful, and super nice... and obviously fragile?
When all you want is the fucking girl you've invested yourself into to tell you what the fuck is going on with her so you can know what's going on with you?

I don't know..

I just.. ugggh.

12/24/10 12:52 am - For Valentines Day, I bought she who I should not be talking about, let alone thinking about..

a mustache mug.

She kept it when she brought me the stuff I gave her that she didn't want back.
I imagine she still uses it.
And every time she see's it, she thinks of me.

I bought her Black Dynamite.
Every time she and her friends watch it.
There I am.


I want these things back.

I want to destroy them.

Because as long as they exist, so does a tie that I want to cut and never look back upon.
But to ask for them back would mean having to interact with her.
And the thought makes bile rise in my throat.
The idea of her makes me sick.

Ugh.

12/23/10 11:36 pm - On the phone with a girl that reminds me heavily of Stacia

Its kind of weird.

I don't know how to feel about this.

12/5/10 05:11 pm - Do you really think...

after nearly ten months of how you treated me, and made me feel, that suddenly I’d be able to be all awesome..buddy buddy with you?
Or anything of that nature.


I basically destroyed myself over you.
I stopped eating.
I berated myself, and felt less than like a human when it was you that was in the wrong.
You are the monster, not me.

I lied to explain bruises, and was ashamed of myself.
I cut myself off from my friends.
I disappeared into myself.
I was completely not me, for at least six months.


And now, after six months because you thought it was enough time, you expect things to be different.
You weren’t the one that was on the receiving end of the mistreatment.
You don’t get to make that call.

I’m not the one that hasn’t changed.

I want you to cease to exist.
I want to forget you.

Get out of my life.
Out of my head.

Go. Away.

Stop fucking stalking me via my blog.
Tell your friends to get off of it too.

My life is none of any of your business.

Obviously you still have some personal issues with me, and that’s your problem.
Not mine.

So just stop.
Really.

Go enjoy your new girlfriend.
Try not to make her feel like she doesn’t deserve the air she breathes.
She actually seems like a decent, fun, human being - I hope her nothing but the best, as she is now tangled into you.
Get over me, for real.
And shoo.

11/19/10 06:17 pm - Cassey is amazing~

And I am so happy~

La Lala
La
La
La~


(:
I forgot how much just watching her make faces, on skype, when she momentarily forgets I'm watching makes me smile.
And the strain on my face from the giant grin when she sings.

And..and..

<3

11/15/10 12:24 am - Date someone abusive..

Become responsible for all of their future relationships.


Fuck.

11/14/10 07:01 pm - You'd think I'd feel something -

But this is the first time I'm doing the opposite.

I don't know why I'm reacting this way.. but I just don't feel like I have the energy or motivation to chase anyone right now.




Or maybe this is part of growing up.

I don't know.




I..need to burn that fucking yarn dog and get the filth out of my life.
And just focus on doing me, for serious.

11/4/10 08:41 pm - I'm in a perpetual state of turned on, as of last night.

It won't go away.

Freakin'.. just, oh my God.

And of course she lives 19 hours away.. so we can torture the living SHIT out of each other, get all..flksdjlksdfjslkdfj and then are left to ourselves.
And.. just.. ahh.


Damn this damn this damn this.

10/15/10 07:48 pm - I dreamed..

that she said, I love you.

We were talking online.. and she said it.

And I responded with, "Really?"
Rather than.. I love you too. Or.. anything else.



If I told someone that I love them and they said Really? I'd be pretty hurt.

So I feel bad.

Even though its not real life.

And I sort of want to tell her about the dream except I don't want it to seem like I EXPECT her to say she loves me or anything of that sort.
Its a weird and touchy subject.




ALSO.
I'm super close to having the money to go see her.

I want to save at least 300, so I have some to take with me so we can do things and whatever.
I have 193 so far.

(: I love having a job that actually pays.


My life is awesome

9/29/10 02:13 am

I love:
It when you text me first.
And when you say things I want to say but fear its too soon for.
That you said you like me first and told me you want to keep me.
Beauty marks or moles or whatever you'll call them on your face, despite the fact that there are so many.
That your teeth aren't perfect; your smile is the cutest thing ever.
When you're sleepy on skype but fight me when I tell you how tired you look.
How whenever I smile, you smile, no matter what.
How you ask me whats on my mind, and in turn tell me when I ask, rather than saying "Nothing."
How its not about sex with us and I know I can count on something sweet and simple once I finally get you.
That you're the exact opposite of all the I find attractive in a girl and yet I can't take my eyes off you and find you in all senses of the word breath taking.

I..just, I love everything about you.
And I can feel that I love you as a person.
You're sweet and kind and understanding and gentle and honest and genuine.. and so many amazing things.

I do not feel like I am in love with you by any means.
But I know I could fall for you and I feel like you'll fall back.

And Jesus, Cass.
How did I get so lucky?

<3
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